When I was growing up I just wanted to not have attention called on me. I wanted to be invisible. I hated being looked at. I hated being put on the spot. So you can understand how terrible it was for a person who does not like to be seen, to have anyone point her out. Even when someone was telling me how proud they were of me. Even when they are showing me affection.
Imagine my horror when I realize the man I love is the very type of person I despise. Talk about love/hate relationship.
I grew up trying to get away from an alcoholic and I end up marrying one.
I would love for him to completely stop drinking. He has slowed down considerably but he has not stopped. The years I have been with him have been interesting.
There was the time he got so drunk that he thought he was in the bathroom and he nearly pissed on the floor.
The car accident with a mailbox is not what caused him to slow down. The day he was yelling at me and scared me so bad only made him stop drinking white vodka. What made him slow down was the thought that his kids might be in danger of losing their home.
He will never stop completely but he understands that drinking is something he has to be in control of or he will lose everything.
Why do I stay?
I know I will never change him and I will never try to change him. I just want to make his life a little better. I will help him find himself. Deep in my heart I know he is meant for great things.
Unconditional love. He saved me from destroying myself by telling me that I had been raped. He helped me face the fact that I have MS. He helps me raise the children I so desperately wanted. He loves me even though I have made plenty of mistakes in my life. He takes care of me now. He will take care of me when I get older.
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