Missing my computer

I miss my computer but at the same time I am taking this time to enjoy my kids and learn about MS. Today I learned that there are people like me. They have the disease and they have been working for 15 years.
It takes a little longer to get better from a cold. It could be old age.
Amelia is pushing her brother in the stroller and making wishes. Kassia decided to stay in.

Epilogue

As you may know I wrote a book called 'From Victim to Victor'. I decided to write an epilogue for the book. Since it is rather difficult to type an entire chapter using my phone I will have to write it and then type it later.

What if Jesus was your child?

I sit here this morning thinking about a wonderful story I shared about a mother's love for her baby boy.  I shared the story last year.  I thought about the story when I awoke this morning.  I thought about it because Christmas is coming. 

Yes, the story was about Mary's love for Jesus.

Every time my kids leave for school or to a friend's house I pray for their safe return.  What if I knew that one day I would be telling them goodbye for the last time?

I think about when Jesus turned the water into wine.  Mary asked him to do it.  He responded by asking her if she knew what she was asking.  She said that she knew.  She said that they needed the wine.  He was performing a miracle in front of many people.  I learned Mary telling Jesus that the people needed Him and she was letting Him go.  What a brave thing for a mother to do.  She was letting her son follow a path that she knew would ultimately lead to his death.  I do not think I could ever do that. 

I look at my three kids and I do not think I could ever do that.  I raised these wonderful children.  I nurtured them.  I kissed boo-boos.  I love my kids.  Who would not love them.  They are so darn cute and funny. 

Maybe I could do it if the Lord asked me to do it.  Who knows what we can do if asked?

What am I doing?

Nothing.  I feel empty of thought and feelings.

That felt good. I am going to do it again.

Get your mind out of the gutter.  I mean writing what I wrote yesterday felt good.  I have been kind to you all.  You really do not know how Pissed -ed -ed off I can be.  Yes I said pissed -ed -ed. It is not a word.  It does convey how angry you all make me.

I was advised to take time for myself.  To read my Bible and meditate on God's word. 

I have been meditating on God's word for awhile now.  I do not know the Bible as well as I should.  I may never know the Bible as well as I should.  I am going to stop writing for others and write every stupid thought that comes to my head. 

Yes.... I am in a glass house.  I am throughing stones.  I am also going to walk around in here naked and exposed.  If you do not like it then you do not have to read this blog.  It is not like alot of you are reading it anyway.  If you were reading it, then you would become a member or make a comment. 

Humans do suck.  I suck most of all.  I have the craziest thoughts.

Do you remember the show "Family Matters"?  Steve Urkel became Stefan in an episode.  Laura fell in love with Stefan.  When Stefan turned back into Steve, Laura became upset and ran out of the room.  She said that she had met a wonderful man and he went away.  She blamed Steve.  Pardon my french but WHAT THE HELL.  It was the same guy.  That is what is wrong with you humans.  You want a ready made and polished love.  Well then you are out of luck.  There are very few of those.  My husband was Steve Urkel.  He is Stefan now.  It took a whole lot of work to reach Stefan status.  Every now and again he becomes Steve again.  I have to fix 'the machine' and do maintanance on him.  I love him but a lot of time and maturing had to happen before he became Stefan.

Can someone explain to me who is US in Genesis?  OK. Do not try and explain because I have another question.  What if Jesus existed when God was making heavan and earth.  What if Jesus was the first born son?  What if we are the middle child?  What if God gets a little put out with us sometimes.  What if one day there will be a third child?

My oldest daughter put in perspective for me.  She referred to herself as the oldest and we did well with her.   I reminded her that she was not the eldest and that I really screwed up with the first.  She understood but it did not change her thought process.  She referred to her sister and herself as the middle children.  Making my youngest the final and best version. 

I smiled when I heard this.  It did made me think.  What if God made Jesus first and then made us?  What if he tried to teach us how to be as good to each other as He is to us?  What if free will was getting in the way? 

Chew on that.  If you are reading this you have nothing better to do anyway. 

I am sure God looks at me and shakes his head wondering what he did wrong.

Humans suck....

I was going to be all philosophical.  What I was going to write is below:

Life...  What is life to you?  To me life is many things.  Life is an everyday struggle.  It is a stuggle to do what is right.  It is a struggle to raise happy and respectful kids.  Life for me is discerning whether what I think and feel is really me or my disease.

My disease is MS.  MS is a small part of my life now.  MS is my body attacking my nervous system.  I might die from the disease.  The attacked nerves form lesions. 

I have a lot of lesions in my brain.  How does it affect me? 

Simply I was dramatic before and I am that way tenfold now.  My feelings are often times not my own.  I try to focus my crazy on my husband.  He takes it because he gets angry when I lose it on the kids.  

I learned that MS can cause depression.  I have examined my feelings and dealt with what would cause the average person to be depressed.  I am happy to say that I feel better about dealing with my issues.  It made me realize that my depression is not due to MS.  I was depressed due to my messed up life.  I do not get randomly depressed anymore. 

Something good did come from MS.  I learned alot about myself.  I learned how much my family loves me.  I learned alot about friendship.   I learned that I do like writing.  I learned that I love education.  I learned that I am stronger than I look.  I learned that everyone has their own disease.

My disease is a small part of my life and there is no cure for it but I can at least slow it down.

 That is what I was going to say.  I do not want to.

What I want to say is that humans suck.  People have to be reminded to be good to each other.  It sucks because people cannot be good to each other just to be good. 

Am I pissed off?  Yes I am.  What does it take for you all to be good to each other? 

Prove me wrong that you all are good to each other and I will write a long apology.

No Subject

I have nothing to write about.  I am sitting next to a sleeping baby.  I tried to take pictures of Connor today.  Almost every picture is of him with his eyes closed.  How do they take a picture without having kids blnk.  I guess they do not use a flash.  I don't know.  I have several pictures now of Connor with his eyes closed.

Amelia is doing well in school.  Kassia is doing well also. 

They are funny kids.  They play with Connor and they are missed when they leave for school.

Connor has teeth!!!

What is new on the Gibbs front.  Let me tell you.

Well Kassia is stressing about grades.  I try to be there for her.  She is the type that does not like empty pats on the back.  If you do not have a constructive solution to how she can make an A in the class, then she does not want to hear it. 

My father's birthday was this Tuesday.  When we gave the phone to Amelia and told her to wish her grandfather a happy birthday, she broke into song.  It made me smile. 

Connor has two teeth in his mouth.  He enjoys hearing mommy say 'Ow. Stop biting.'  Now that he has the teeth he thinks he can pull up on things and try to walk. 

HOLD ON WE JUST STARTED CRAWLING!!!  

It is an adventure.

My Biggest Fear

Have you ever thought about your biggest fear? Now that I have accepted that I have MS I have examined my life. I thought about my biggest fear. My biggest fear is not losing my ability to walk or to write. I can get a wheel chair. I can get voice recognition software. (Did you see the x-box kinect you control with your voice.) There are many ways around most of the things that can happen to me.

The only real fear that I have is forgetting my kids. I do not mean driving away from a store and not having one of them in the car. That would be bad but not what I mean.

I mean having no memory of the people that make me laugh every day.

I decided to make this blog not only some place to write down my crazy thoughts. I am making it a place where I can record all of their silly antics.

Let me introduce my kids to you. There is Kassia. Kassia takes no nonsense from anyone. You would think she gets in trouble alot. She actually does not. Everyone seems to know that she is pure of heart. She sees something and she tells it like it is. Amelia is a person who enjoys making others happy. She does this by helping when she can or by making someone smile or laugh. Connor so far is ready with a smile but he does not like to wait for people. Patience is something all of my children have but they prefer not to wait.

I am going to record as much as I can because I do like participating in the fun.

I hope I can afford to get my computer fixed soon. One finger typing is no fun.

Why are all movies going to 3D?

What is up with the trend of movies going to 3D?

I know that movie companies are trying to get people in the seats.  Harold and Kumar in 3D seems to have taken it too far. 

3D gives me a headache.  I never see things coming at me.  I do not know why.  It is lost on me.  I am so happy that it looks like the Muppet movie that is coming out is not in 3D.  I would prefer that they come out with more entertaining movies.  I really would prefer not seeing an awful movie in 3D. 

Faith

As I sit here I think about what was said to me in the past couple of years about God and Hope. 

Claim it and God will deliver it. 
Live in expectancy and you will receive God's blessing. 
Never lose hope because if you do then you do not have faith. 
Listen to others.
This and many other things makes perfect sense.  Somethings are more difficult to do than others.

Then there is something that one person said to me.  God has a plan for us.  He sets it in motion and there is no changing that plan.  This makes sense to me too.  God does have a plan.  I do believe it can be changed.  That is the only part I am not in agreement with.

I like taking bits and pieces of everything I have learned.  I think that the steps we take dictate if we reach the good outcome of the plan.  I believe God answers all prayers.  There are three possible answers.  NO, YES, LATER We may not like the answer we receive but that is where our faith comes into play.  We or I have to understand that everything happens for a reason.  I may not understand the reason right then but it will be made clear to me when the time is right.

OOOXXXX

I learned that the Romans used to hug each other when they greeted each other.  They didn't shake hands because they did not trust each other.  If you shook someone's hand then that would leave you vulnerable for attack. 

Boy have times changed!

If you hug someone now people get all offended.  Or like my daughters' say, "Personal Space!!!" 

My first day on a job one time my co-worker introduced himself and then hugged me.  The wierd thing was that I only hesitated for a second before I hugged him back.

Would we have wars and not trust each other if we put down the walls and hugged. 

Who am I kidding?  We would still have wars because it is human nature to be distrustful of each other. 

If we are all God's children what is wrong with acting like loving brothers and sisters.  I know that there is sibling rivalry.  One child has to get DAD's attention more than the other to feel good about themselves.  It is sad that sometimes a child feels they have to do anything bad or good to get attention.

I try my best not to make snap judgements about people because I know we all do things to gain attention.  I wait to see if the real person will eventually come out.  Some people put their best foot forward but they are not the greatest people inside.  Some people do awful things to get attention but they are the best people inside. 

WOW!  I really got on a soap box with this one. 

Well back to my initial point --> hugs.  What if we greeted people we met for the first time with hugs instead of keeping them at arms length with a handshake.  Do you think the world would change?

For Colored Girls

If you ever saw the movie or had girls of your own.  You understand the importance of raising strong women.  The movie was excellent.  The two hour movie flew by and did not feel like two hours.

I AM THE FEET

There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, neither male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

Galatians 3:28

We are all one in Jesus Christ.  This is very true.  I look at Christ as a body.  Every part of your body is important to you.  I think of myself as the feet.  Why?  Well isn't it obvious.  Some people are the head.  The head leads the body.  For example, have you ever watched a toddler run.  They always lead off with their head.  Then there are those who are the mouth.  They spread the word of the Lord.  Then there are people like me.  The Feet.  I help people get to where they need to go.  I like being the feet.  What body part are you?  No matter what you choose it is important.

From Victim to Victor by Riss Gibbs

At the beginning of August I announced that I published my first book.  I wanted to share with you that I am working on my second book. I will not be revisiting my first book.  It was a test run.  I will be distributing it to Amazon in the near future.  I just wanted to get a feel for publishing.  I wanted to share what From Victim to Victor is about:

Every person goes through tests in their life.  How you handle those tests determines what kind of person you become.  The book contains thoughts that  are hopefully inspirational to you and three short stories about Alex Burrus.   Her first major test in life is when she is date raped her freshman year of college.  She loses sight of the God and herself.  I hope you not only learn from this book but also enjoy it.  I enjoyed writing it.

Name Change

I changed the name of my blog for one reason.  I made strides to remove the drama from my life.  The name of the blog no longer fits what I am now. 

My daughter calls me dramatic because I act silly.  She was six years old when she said that I was dramatic.  I also did alot of crying in front of her.  I wish I could say it was the MS but it was not.  I learned that some MS patients can have uncontrollable crying fits and depression.  Then again it might have been my MS.  I do not think so because whenever I cried there was a reason for it. 

I decided to name my blog for my most striking feature. 

I am a short woman.  I consider four feet eleven inches as short.  Not only am I short I also only weigh about 105 lbs on a good day.  My weight does fluctuate between 100 and 110.  I feel my healthiest at 105.  I wish I could tell you that there is some great exercise program that I am on.  There is not one.  As a matter of fact I hate excercise.  As I type this I am considering taking a break and going to sleep for a little while.  Especially now that I have the I-tis.  That steak sandwhich was so good.  I get things done.  Excercise is not one of them. 

People hate me.  I have a very fast metabolism and therefore I do not put on weight.  You may think it is great but it is not.  I have to eat regularly or else I feel faint or sluggish.  It became a problem when I was pregnant with my son.  He was predicted to be an eight pound baby. The clinic put me on a diet because I tested positive for gestational diabetes.  Needless to say I did the diet like they askd but I felt tired alot.  I already ate healthy. 

To top it all off.  I have the face of a 16 year old.  I hear all the time how blessed I must feel.

Well I do feel blessed until a salesman comes to my house and asks to talk to my parents.  Now that my oldest daughter is an inch taller than me I feel a little sad.  To top it all off she looks a little older than me. 

In college I had several nicknames pertaining to my height.  My favorite was Little Miss Muffet.

  

Are you a victim or a victor?

I always thought of myself as a victor.  I thought of myself as someone who faced adversaty and triumphed.  I even wrote a book loosely based on my life.  (To purchase  From Victim to Victor click on the link.) After writing the book and while I have been unemployed I realized I am not a victor.  At least I did not act like one.  I acted like a victim.

When we had problems at home I acted like it was someone else's fault (victim).  I never looked at what I possibly did.  For so long I was mistreated or not appreciated I did not consider the problem was that I did not appreciate what I did.  I did not consider that I put too much pressure on myself.  I did not consider that I should just do as much as I can and leave the rest up to God.

Everyone has problems.  Big problems like how are you going to put food on the table.  Small problems like having an out of date cell phone that does not work well.  There are many kinds of problems.  The way we face them defines us.  We can make a small problem huge.  We can make a huge problem just another day.

I have  my share of problems.  I wish I could say I have dealt with all of them well.  But I cannot say that.  Some problems are too big for me to handle alone.  However, I hate bothering anyone with my problems.  I often times think I can handle it alone. 

I wish I could help everyone with their problems.  A wise person once said to me, "How can we help them if we cannot help ourselves." 

Well I am going to stop blaming others or situations for my problems.  I am going to change my situation for the better.  When I improve myself then I can help others.  Then I will be a victor.

See even I became a writer but FaceBook and Twitter are too confining for me.  I like to rant.  My next book will come straight from my imaginaion.

Ramblings

I have been doing alot of thinking lately.  It is most likely because I am home right now with very little to do.

I decided to be a teacher.  I want to teach special education students.  I know a lot of you have the image of students with disabilities.  Students with disabilities to me are students.   Like every other child a teacher has to make it entertaing or something that the child is interested in.

Facebook has created a generation of writers.  Many people have become philosophers.  I myself proofread what I write. Some people write to inspire.  Other people write to share their views.  Then there are those who write to get a chuckle.

I write because my kids go to school and my infant has to take naps.

I am NOT drunk!!!

Many times people say to me 'You are so crazy'.  It is most likely because I do not drink.  I do not like drinking because  I do not like the taste of alcohol.  Others enjoy the freedom they feel while drinking.

I never understood drinking.  I see it as a waste of money.  I can be silly.  I can say crazy things for free.  You spend all that money on alcohol and then you go to the bathroom and flush all the money you spent down the toilet.  Most people do not even remember the night before.  They just hear from their friends the next day about how crazy they were.  I like knowing what I did and what a great time everyone had.  This is especially true if I hosted the event. 

If you do not drink then you can include your kids in on your caziness.  An example is when my kids suddenly had selective hearing when it was time to leave after a party at a funcenter.  I had to scream at my kids.  "Don't let me get ghetto.  Get down off the play area we have to go."  My kids came down off the gym quickly.  If they can act like they do not hear me, then I can be crazy.  The only person I am really embarrassing is myself.  They were probably embarrassed about what I did.  They will never act like they do not hear me again though. 

I can laugh and have fun without drinking.  It is cheaper and I get to write all about it.  Life is too short.  I even dance in stores if a song I like comes on. 

So everyone can say that I am crazy but I am NOT drunk.  I just play one on TV. *SMILE*

Can you learn something new from a child?

There is a passage in the Bible.  I beleive it is in JOB.  I am not a theologian.  Correct me if I am wrong.  The passage is about the elders coming to give Job advice and tell him what he was doing wrong.  There was a man younger that Job.  He respectfully said that he was not the oldest man there and that Job did not have to listen to him.  The young man proceeded to give Job fantastic advice.

Sometimes you get the best advice from someone who is younger and sees the world with new eyes. I get the best advice from my kids. Not all of them are gems. The advice that Ice Cream can be considered a healthy breakfast because it is made out of milk was a piece of advice I passed on.

Sometimes they give a good piece of advice.  My daughter once advised me that she just wanted me to listen to her problem. 

I was in the middle of my monologue about seeing things from the other persons perspective.  She stopped me and said that she understood why the other person acted that way.  She then said she knew she was wrong to be mad.  She just wanted me to agree with her at that moment.  She just wanted me to listen and agree with whatever stupid thing she said.  The lesson could wait a few minutes.  She wanted to vent and get it off her chest.  She reminded me that I raised her better than that.  

Sometimes I have to trust that I have done my job.

Her advice reminded me that sometimes I have to stop and listen. 

My Boaz

My cousin Karlene wrote this on her FaceBook Wall.  'To all the girls who are in a hurry to have a boyfriend or get married, a piece of Biblical advice: " Ruth patiently waited for her mate Boaz." While you are waiting on YOUR Boaz, don't settle for any of his relatives; Broke-az, Po-az, Lyin-az, Cheating-az, Dumb-az, Drunk-az, Cheap-az, Lockedup-az, , Goodfornothing-az, Lazy-az, and especially his third cousin Beatinyo-az. Wait on your Boaz and make sure he respects Yoaz.'

After what occurred to me the Lord sent me my Boaz.  My Boaz was an unassuming young man.  I agree with my cousin.  Being patient is hard but in the end it is worth the wait.

There are no stupid questions. Or are there?

I learned that there are no stupid questions.  The only time a question is stupid is when you know the answer to the question. If you know the answer then you should not ask the question. 

Like when you visit someone in the hospital for a major injury. 

Did it hurt (when you fell down those steps)?
Did that gun shot hurt?

Why else would someone go to the hospital?

Why do I have to do homework?

After first grade many children begin to see school as a chore.  Something their parents make them do.  They would much rather be at home.  When school is new and they are in love with shool.  School becomes mundane and routine.  School is not fun anymore.

A few children see school as somewhere they can have fun and socialize with their friends.  They complain about how unfair a teacher is or what student hooked up with who or which students are expecting a baby.  Do not looked shocked almost every talk show has had that.  MTV even made a whole show.  They will probably come out with '13 and Pregnant' at some point.  Occassionally they get a teacher that makes learning exciting and new.  This makes school bearable.

Some children are nerds and love school for the sake of learning something new.  Do not get mad that I am insulting your child because I was one of those children.  I even had tape on my glasses at one point.

School needs to be somewhere that is entertaining.  It is difficult to keep their interest.  For many students there is nothing to make school interesting.

New Book?

A month ago I told the world that I published a book.  I wish to tell you all the real reason why I wrote and published the book. (From Victim to Victor)

There are superficial reasons.  To feel good about myself that I am making a difference.  Money for my kids.  Money for medical bills. 
MONET MONEY MONEY!!!!

Well these are a big part of the reason why I wrote and published the book.  The real reason why is because I was tired.  I was tired of saying I am fine when I was not fine.  I want to believe I am fine now.  You tell me.  Do I sound fine?

I wanted to get the word out there for others who might be living with mendacity.  Remember mendacity.  I wrote about it in an earlier blog.  Lies and Liars.  Sometimes a lie is to prevent us from dealing with something painful.  Well I was tired of taking the cowards way out. 

Deal with it an move on.  This is my mantra now.

I am now working on my second book and the words are not coming to me as quickly as the first.  It could be because it is hard not to stop and play with my 5 month old son.  It could be that I am talentless when it comes to writing.  The first part is true.  The second part, I have to say.  Toot , Toot.  That is me blowing my own horn.  Besides writing is subjective.  Someone out there likes my writing.  It might be you.  If it is you buy 20 of my books.  A sister needs some cash. (JOKING)

I have a title for my second book.  I have an idea where I want to start and end.  I just need to work on the middle.

Say a prayer.

Would you die for someone?

It is a mystery.  Who do you love enough that you would make such a sacrifice as great as dying for them.

I would easily say the Lord, my kids, and my husband.  I would do it in that order. 

Sacrificial love is something that is hard to understand.  Who wants to make that kind of sacrifice?  I know that I would because I prayed for that one day.  I said if God kept my kids healthy I would take the worst thing that could happen.  I think dying would be the worst thing that could happen. 

I take my prayers very seriously.  I know that you should not bargain with God.  Living right is all that I need to do.  I make every effort to do this.  I believe follwing what the Lord tells me is living right. 

Keep on living right and trust in the Lord because he has a great plan for each and every one of us.

Tired.... with a capital T

Have you ever been so tired that you just sit in one spot and let your mind wander?  I have been that tired.  I am that tired right now.  My mind did alot of wandering. 

First I said a prayer.  I prayed to the Lord the following:
Lord I am really tired.  I wish I could lay down right now and close my eyes.  I just want to be rocked in your arms.  I want to just stop and be with you in heavan.  I will continue to follow you and do what I need to do on earth.

Then my mind went somewhere totally different.

I thought about how on 'The Talk' there was a discussion about texting.  Two ladies were for texting.  Another was upset about people leaving messages that just said hi.  It made me think about my blog when I watched the ladies bring up their point. 

Then my mind went to the recent trend of remakes.  It seems that Hollywood has run out of stories to tell.  'Footloose' will be coming out soon.  'Red Dawn' is making a come back.  Then there are the cartoons that they are bringing back or making into movies.  'GI Joe', 'The Smurfs', and 'Alvin and The Chipmunks'. 

What would you like to see remade.  In my opinion there are not many shows or movies I would like to be remade.  I was not that impressed by some of the movies at the time.  Besides the movies or shows spoke to those times. 

Well I am going to bed now.  Kids are sleeping and no one needs anything.  Thanks for reading my ramblings again.

English Language

The Enlish Language is one of the toughest languages to learn.  All the rules.  The introduction of other languages.  Now society has the nerve to shorten this language with texting lingo.  I sometimes feel very old because I have no idea what someone is saying when they use texting lingo.  You do not want to know how long it took me to figure out LOL.  I am still unsure.  "Laugh out loud", "Lots of love."  What the 'H E Double Hockey Sticks' is it. 

Do we have to make our language even more difficult by creating code words. 

Do not get me started.  I am truly old and sheltered.  You would think I would have something better to ramble on about.  It is a slow day.  Nothing comes to mind. 

Is there a dictionary for texting?  I would honestly buy it and use it.  I can really look like the out of touch person with a dictionary next to me while I text.

What happened to cartoons?!

I see the kind of cartoons my kids watch now.  Everything has a lesson.  What happened to the mindless violence of 'Tom and Jerry' and how did Wile-E-Coyote afford all those ACME products.  Those type of cartoons allowed for you to stop thinking about the real world. 

I admit the cartoons of my time have no place in modern society.  Parents today do rely on the TV to baby-sit their kids.  I make sure my kids know that what happens on TV is not real most of the time.  Even if it says reality TV.  There ia a lot of editting that happens before the final version is shown. 

Cartoons of the past were unreal and fun.  They were a way to escape.  What is wrong with escaping  at the age of five or thirty-five.  There are very few shows that allow for you to shut your brain off. 

I will never admit to my daughter that I like 'Sponge Bob Squarepants' and 'Adventure Time' but I am loyal to Bugs and Daffy so I have to tell her that I do not like the new shows.

What is the scariest moments in your life?

The scariest moments in my life were not when I was diagnosed with MS.  It was not when my youngest daughter walked away from me in a store.  It was not any of those things and the normal ones that you would think would be something that would turn your hair white.  The MS is something that can be managed and I can live a relatively normal life.  My daughter is a smart cookie and knows to scream like a maniac if someone were to snatch her.  Moments like those were scary but they were not the scariest.

The scariest moments in my life are the times when I have no control over a situation or at least the fantasy that I have control.  When I watch my twelve year old daughter leave the house for school I say a little prayer.  I have no control over what will happen to her while she is at school because I worked in the school system and have seen what could possibly happen. 

I went down a water slide recently because my daughter wanted me to go down with her.  I am not a great swimmer but I went down anyway.  I had no control over how fast I was going.  I tried to slow down and even to stop myself.  Finally I had to tell myself relax let go and it will be OK.  I did and those last seconds  were fun.  I fell into the water and my daughter apologized and said she was sorry to make me do it.  She said she did not want me to drown.  I had to smile because I could have imagined how ridiculus I must have looked.  After calming her down I realized it is OK to lose control sometimes.  The good Lord will get you where you need to be.

That is how I am approaching this writing thing.  It scares the hell out of me.  I have no control over who does or does not like what I write.  I may make no money from doing it.  But there is the possibility that I touch one person with the words I write and that is honestly enough for me.  In this day and age money is important but if I based my decisions on what is culturally acceptable I would have never married my husband and had three great kids.  The Hell With It.  I followed God this far and he has not disappointed me.  I think I will continue to follow him.

Are you tired of mendacity?

In my last post I discussed mendacity and what it is.  I know you think I am talking about people who lie to me.  I am not I am tired of the lies I tell myself. 

When I was diagnosed I lied to myself and said that I must have been misdiagnosed.  I lied to myself even after the second doctor said that I needed to take medication or else I might start forgetting my kids.  I stopped lying to myself and I did not go back to that doctor.  It is something that is a part of me like my short stature but it does not define me.

What is mendacity?

One of my favorite movies is 'Cat on a Hot Tin Roof'.  One of the themes of the movie is mendacity.  Mendacity is the tendency to lie. 
Mendacity is something we live in.
I once discussed with some people the need for white lies.  I may not like to lie but I do see the need for it in this world.  Most of the people do not want to hear the truth.  They prefer to be lied to eventhough they say they do not want to be lied to. 

The question is "when is it necessary to lie?"  Do we have to lie to keep a job?  Do we have to lie to protect someone else?  It is difficult to decide.  One of the commandments says 'Thou shall not bear false witness against your neighbor'.  It is difficult to decide when it is the right thing to do or not. 

Lying is something that many of us do on a regular basis especially if you work in the legal system.  But is it lying if you tell someone something and they take the words you have said and change the meaning of the words to fit them.  Who knows if it is lying or not?  I sure do not know.  I just try not to lie and pray that if I lie that the Lord will forgive me. 

When is it RAPE?

Movies portray a rape as something that is violent and the perpetrator sees it as controlling the other person.  What if that is not the only way to view a rape.  Mind you there are rapes like that.  What if the rape is not violent at all. 

There is the rape of a young man by someone who lets them believe that they are in love.  Taking advantage.  Making the man feel that they are a grown-up.  That it is what is supposed to happen.  There is date rape by someone who convinces someone else that it is what they want to even if the other person says they do not want to have sex.  Rape comes in many different forms.

In my book I look at date rape.  When a woman or man says no and the other person never allows them to say anything or says that it is what they want.  I consider it rape.  What do you consider it?

Book

I published my first book today.  I do not know how good it is but I hope someone gets something out of it as well as enjoys it.  You have to go to Lulu.com to purchase it.

Have you ever looked at your fingers?

The human being is amazing.  From birth they are trying to learn about the world around them. 

If you ever studied a baby you can see them learning.  Their hand fascinates them.  At first it is a fist.  Then one day they realize that fist can spread out into individual fingers.  If you are lucky enough to have children you may take the journey of self discovery with them. 

You watch that little baby grow.  They realize they can run and jump.  Then they realize that the world is much larger than the four walls of their home.  You watch them explore that world.  You fear for their safety but you realize it is a journey you cannot stop.

The great thing about humans is that we bounce back.  Like the song says "I get knocked down but I get up again."

When do you feel like an adult?

Many people believe they are an adult when they earn their first pacheck at a 9-5 job.  Many people feel they are an adult after they pay their first bill or buy their first home.  Others believe it is when they start caring for their elderly parent.  It is all true.

Someone once said it is not until you lose a parent.  When you lose a parent you no longer have the support you once had.

Unemployment Sucks

I know what .you are thinking. It is obvious that unemployment sucks. There is no money coming in. You have nothing to do all day but get into trouble. You have nothing to do but look good!!! This is all true. There is an alternative. It can be a time to look at your life. A time to redefine yourself. A job will come. A career will be found. I see ads on TV to start a new career all the time. If that is not your path then you can always consider spending more time with family and friends. You can be a help to someone in need. During this recession there are hundreds of people trying to get work by any means. Keep your head up out there. There is a reason for what is happening to many of us. I found my reason and I hope you find yours.