From the Angry Brown Woman Files

I am angry today.  Earlier today I was feeling sorry for myself.  Now I am angry.  I am angry that I cannot sit at home with my kids. I cannot because I am scared that I will not be well enough to handle them.  I also realize that kids are expensive and I have to work.  I am angry that life has dealt me these cards. 

I am angry I was not strong enough to keep that guy off of me.  I then did the stupidest thing ever and thought I could get revenge by having sex with him again and then rejecting him.  I was not pretty enough then. I was not very smart then either.

I am paying for that now. 

I did not want to care about working for the school system.  I cared too much. 

When my supervisor let me go because I demonstrated that I did not care anymore.  I wanted to scream that I did care but I did not want to be mistreated anymore.  I did not want calls after work.  Calls that were about issues that could be handled by co-worker.  I did not want to hear angry speeches about the Spanish speaking population.  My grandfather's family is from Venezuela.  My parents are immigrants from another country.   

I just wanted to do my job.  I wanted to do my job well.  I did not want to be asked what if it were my kids.  All those kids were my kids.  That is the way I viewed those kids.

What is wrong with doing my job and being proud of the outcome?  What is wrong with doing my job well and helping parents who believed that their kid did something they would never be able to come back from.  All kids deserve a second chance.

The school system began to leave those kids behind.  I guess I could not separate my personal  feelings from my job.

I am angry at myself.  I think I said that before.  I guess I am repeating myself.  Forgive me.  I just needed to get it off my chest.