That felt good. I am going to do it again.

Get your mind out of the gutter.  I mean writing what I wrote yesterday felt good.  I have been kind to you all.  You really do not know how Pissed -ed -ed off I can be.  Yes I said pissed -ed -ed. It is not a word.  It does convey how angry you all make me.

I was advised to take time for myself.  To read my Bible and meditate on God's word. 

I have been meditating on God's word for awhile now.  I do not know the Bible as well as I should.  I may never know the Bible as well as I should.  I am going to stop writing for others and write every stupid thought that comes to my head. 

Yes.... I am in a glass house.  I am throughing stones.  I am also going to walk around in here naked and exposed.  If you do not like it then you do not have to read this blog.  It is not like alot of you are reading it anyway.  If you were reading it, then you would become a member or make a comment. 

Humans do suck.  I suck most of all.  I have the craziest thoughts.

Do you remember the show "Family Matters"?  Steve Urkel became Stefan in an episode.  Laura fell in love with Stefan.  When Stefan turned back into Steve, Laura became upset and ran out of the room.  She said that she had met a wonderful man and he went away.  She blamed Steve.  Pardon my french but WHAT THE HELL.  It was the same guy.  That is what is wrong with you humans.  You want a ready made and polished love.  Well then you are out of luck.  There are very few of those.  My husband was Steve Urkel.  He is Stefan now.  It took a whole lot of work to reach Stefan status.  Every now and again he becomes Steve again.  I have to fix 'the machine' and do maintanance on him.  I love him but a lot of time and maturing had to happen before he became Stefan.

Can someone explain to me who is US in Genesis?  OK. Do not try and explain because I have another question.  What if Jesus existed when God was making heavan and earth.  What if Jesus was the first born son?  What if we are the middle child?  What if God gets a little put out with us sometimes.  What if one day there will be a third child?

My oldest daughter put in perspective for me.  She referred to herself as the oldest and we did well with her.   I reminded her that she was not the eldest and that I really screwed up with the first.  She understood but it did not change her thought process.  She referred to her sister and herself as the middle children.  Making my youngest the final and best version. 

I smiled when I heard this.  It did made me think.  What if God made Jesus first and then made us?  What if he tried to teach us how to be as good to each other as He is to us?  What if free will was getting in the way? 

Chew on that.  If you are reading this you have nothing better to do anyway. 

I am sure God looks at me and shakes his head wondering what he did wrong.